OMG IM DONE!

wooo!!!!!! im fucking done with high school! wow it feels fucking amazing 2 be done. i mean i dont feel way smarter or special or anything, but it still feels good 2 not have to go back in the spring, lol! im not 2 sure what im going 2 do now tho...ive got like 9 months to kill before i go to college. im not too sure where i want to go to school yet, but i guess we'll see where i get in, lol. maybe i wont have many choices :P. maybe ill get stuck in ucla where a bunch of friends are going (well, ppl i knew in HS in cali). wont that be fun? but hey i made a new friend who goes there! shes a third year, and i think some of u may know her ;)....actually 1 of u is her........shell be a senior though, so idk if ill even meet up with her. but im kinda hoping to go someplace besides cali. my dad went to school at UT austin, so i applied there, but i also applied to a couple other big12 schools since they give u scholarships if your from a big12 state. obviously im not super sweet on going to UTA or any of those schools...i mean i love my dad, but not so much with texas XD! i really want to go to either tulane or emory. those are pretty tough schools, but their supposed to be pretty good. i dont think im going to get in, but i also applied to uc berkeley and princeton, just in case. i think if i tell berkeley that the last place i lived 6 months was cali, theyll be okay with it. anyways, idk why im talking about school as soon as i finished, lol!

so yea my friend aruzia is pretty cool...i told u about her blog a while ago, and its pretty awesome. but she hasnt posted for a while, so if anyone reads this and ur not actually aruzia, u should go check out her blog and tell her to get posting again XD!

o so i cant believe i waited till now to say this, but i guess i was just super excited about the other stuff, lol...im going to the bahamas XD!!!! my daddy's taking me just the 2 of us and we r going to basically just get this nice place there for a week and relax there. im so excited!!! we're flying out on the day after xmas so we get to be there for new years too! its b/c i graduated, but i think its also kinda that he wants 2 do something special with just me since i just broke up with J. i kinda told him about it b/c he noticed i was sorta distracted. he was really nice about it, and hes been doing all kinds of special and nice things for me recently. im pretty lucky to have him around :). and to have all u wonderful fans obviously :P! all 2 of u, lol. u rock! and im excited! and im a little tipsy b/c my dad and i had about half a bottle of wine with dinner! yay XD! rawr! bye!!

back to the past

ok, so i lied. i have news. well, i didnt have news when i made my last post, but now there is. so J and i broke up. i feel like i should be way sadder, since hes a really good guy, but i guess thats kinda the way it goes... part of it was that he was getting worried that some1 would find out about us (like some1 at school) and that he would be in a shitload of trouble. i mean age of consent is 16 so thats not a problem, but since hes a teacher, they probably wouldnt like it. but part of it was because of me 2...lots of times i didnt think that J was quite good enough, but idk if i really gace J a fair enough chance...i think a part of me was always comparing him to my dad, and i think taht thats kinda an unfair standard.

i wonder if thats something that everyone has to deal with in relationships? like if whenever u find a new person to be with, if u can ever really stop urself from comparing them to your past relationships. and i guess when theres still a part of u that wants 2 go back, its probably not fair to the new person. but like, how else do u move on if ur not going back out and looking for new people? but i guess if u keep going back 2 the same person after each new person, ur not really moving on, huh? idk if im really making sense. i havent been getting enough sleep because im up late studying, and finishing up college aps and shit. cant wait 2 be done with all this shit.

anyways, let me know what u think? any advice, suggestions, or anything. or even just random thoughts about the meaning of life, lol! i guess theres more than one person reading my blog now since 3 people voted in my poll. :) hey everyone! i promise im not always lame! keep coming back, and ill have new stuff XD!

bye!

a lighter mood

ya, so it's thankgiving now, woo! honestly im not that stoked, but it's nice to get time off of school. i know its just high school, and its not supposed to be a big deal, but it really sucks a lot to suddenly have no friends. but anyways, i said this was going 2 be a lighter post then my last few ones were. so ya, the good news is me and J have a sorta system working out now. i decided 2 tell him that i was looking for something less serious then he was, and he was totally cool with it. he said that he just likes to think about future stuff even if hes not ready for it yet. apparently i was just being psyco paranoia girl, lol....if u ask some people thats me a lot, but idk. i mean, ive had a couple open relationships b4, and it mostly worked fine. well i mean, obviously we broke up eventually, but thatwas just cuz we didnt get along anymore. the open stuff was fine. i guess i wouldn't reccomend it, since it can be really hard sometimes, but it worked anyways for me. but ya, me and J are totally doing good now. we can get together most nights for a bit, and we have time on the weekend too.

but ya, so ive got one other problem tho...J kinda wants me to tell my dad about us, and i kinda do too, but theres really no good way to bring it up, lol. i can't be all "o hey daddy, so ive been fucking this 33yo guy for a couple months now. o ya, and hes a teacher at my school. but dont worry, daddy! hes not my teacher anymore since i switched classes. o and thats why u had to sign that form for me to switch." not really sure what 2 do about it though. i mean, obviously if it does get serious, i have 2 tell him eventually. and if i wait its going to get worse. idk...maybe i'll spike his drinks at thanksgiving and tell him then, lol! XD that should work.